I think, therefore...oh wait, I didn't think...

Sometimes I do things that are SO stupid that it defies all laws of gravity, interplanetary goo-related molecule-type space dust-stuff and...well...I just totally f*cked up and lost my entire template.

The whole thing. No cached page.

Lesson learned was don't watch late-night basketball, eat an orange, and fend off dogs and cats while doing shit on your computer that is, at least on a hobby-level, quite important.

So here we are in the wee-hours and I at least dredged up some old hideous header that will do until the weekend, when I can *gulp* begin to rebuild this stooooopid thing.

Oh, what I would give for a time machine right now.

Alas, the world does not revolve around the blog.

Maybe it's some sort of lesson.

Under my feet...and in my mind...just breathe...

Recognize this? It's hotel carpet, specifically the one that is covering the floor at a seminar I am attending about practical use of yoga in clinical work. It's really a great seminar so far. Hope your day is filled with good things, too.

this one is worth quoting...

"A good marriage is a bit like a pet boa constrictor: either you feed it every day or bad things happen."

golly I sure do miss some things...

I really do miss my blog. I no longer write for eloquence or wit, but for speed to meet an insurance deadline. I write about symptoms in sentence fragments, instead of worrying with the musical lilt of the words...which, at first, nearly broke me out in a rash.

But I have learned SO much as a beginning therapist. Although we are still fighting short staffing and program changes, I have really gotten an education on a lot of things...on hope, on the tragedy of cognitive decline, on the perils of insurance bullshit, on learning a new lingo and becoming part of the clinical world, on priorities, on self-care, on dignity, respect, and honor.

There have been days when I really felt like I made a difference in a person's life, which is a heady reward for someone who churned out newsletters and intranet snippet-writing. There have also been suicide prevention contracts to sign, frightening stories, and heartbreaking situations.

All in all, the rapid pace of being immersed in this new profession has my head spinning, and it will take me a while to regain balance again...to be able to leave the patients at the center and not hear them ruminating, asking me questions, and mucking around in my head all evening long. But I've heard that skill of separation simply takes time and experience. It is quite an adventure and one I do not regret.

oh, the trees...

As a new therapist serving older adults, I am single-handedly killing the rainforest. Medicare requires so much documentation that it is a flat-out race to get it done each day. I spend far more time documenting than I do providing treatment.

Now THAT'S crazy.

It's not like you can catch up on it either. You've got a 24 hour window to get it done. Fortunately for the trees, we will be transitioning to an electronic charting system.

What a big change it is to go from the administrative side of life to the clinician side. They really are woefully disconnected from one another. I hardly have time to pee during the day as a social worker/therapist. Everything is time-limited and pressured. There's no time to read the silly newsletter I used to edit. There are 500 other things that come before it...just like what I used to complain about..."why don't they read their newsletter?!" Now I know why. Well, I knew before, but I tried to convince myself that they would somehow find it in their hearts to read the corporate newsletter in order to save my waning ego.

The other big change is that everything is ill-equipped for staff. Ah, the days in marketing were cushy, my friend. You needed supplies...ask and ye shall receive promptly. Welcome to human services... Now I sit in a broken chair, work on an old computer and clunky old inkjet, share an office with another therapist and scrounge for supplies and materials. But I knew it would be that way, because our focus is on the patients who enjoy a homelike atmosphere that is healing and healthy. And the hungry get fed first when there's only so much money to go around, right?

By the way, did I tell you I love my job? (never said that before) Either I'm a masochist, or something real is happening in my life...