it's foggy out there...

No, wait it's my head that's foggy. This head cold is making me stupid. Really.

Sometimes I open my blog and I look at it. I don't do anything with it--I just look at it and ponder the whole concept of narcissism. It's a self-portrait you know--of sorts. Sometimes it's ugly or sad, or funny, or goofy, or happy. It's just like me--a mixed up bag of goofball-ishness.

Sometimes I open my blog and I look at it for a different reason--to procrastinate. Sometimes I blog to avoid, to suppress, to distract, to disguise my fingers with work-like motion or to think when I don't feel like thinking.

But I can only think foggy things today. And it's making me stupid.

p.s. I called my dad to check on Peanut. Her condition has not changed. She is still hunkered down in her little house, purring and refusing food and water, except for the smallest amounts.

Now, if you'll excuse me I need to go cough until my lungs are violently expelled through my nostrils.

eek...

I am pro-choice, but I'm not sure what to think about this. There's lots of information missing in this story, but it causes me great concern.

California Teen Dies After Taking Abortion Pill

It's worth noting that the information was put out by the Family Research Council, but that doesn't mean it's bad information. Like I said, I think there's lots of MISSING medical information in the story that I would like to know about.

So much for "not much blogging" today or tomorrow. I must be officially addicted to e-chatting with myself.

stolen...

I think public relations has dulled my love of writing. You'd think that getting into a career where you get to write on a daily basis would just give you fuel, but in this case it hasn't. I have a history with my company, one where I've seen insensitive layoffs, large mergers and other corporate-type stuff. Yay for the bottom-line I guess, but I feel more and more like one of the nameless rabble with a barcode pasted to my forehead. Then again, it could be that 13 years is too long to stay anywhere. Maybe I'm just wiped out from this stupid head cold (and newly welcomed cramps to make things really fun) and hate the world today.

On another depressing note, I can't quit thinking about my Dad and Peanut. I wonder if she made it through the night. I will call a little later to check in.

Boo-freakin'-hoo. I could keep complaining for entertainment's sake, but golly-gosh-darn-it, I just don't think I will. Besides, it's time for lunch, throughout which I will get to study for tomorrow night's class. Boo-freakin'-hoo.

what a day...

I'm still feeling kind of crappy with the head cold, but I managed to get quite a bit done. I visited with my dad for a few minutes today and looked in on little Peanut. She is very sick and has quit drinking and barely eats. My father is really struggling with the pain of losing this pet and knows that the end is near. If she continues to worsen, he will put her to sleep. This little cat warmed my father's heart--a man who always keeps his distance, even in family relationships. It's really hard to see him torn up like this. I am trying to give as much support as he will allow. On another dad-subject, you wouldn't believe the row boat he built. He gave it to me today--I will post pics of it when I get more time. I am planning to make a grumpy fisherman figure for the boat and return it to him as a Christmas present. I think he will like that. I would like to add Peanut (with some little angel wings) to the boat; having her eating the fisherman's catch, but it depends on how painful the end is for the poor little kitty. We'll see.

Hubby helped get the product tags done tonight and we went out and got some fabric to cover the tables for the show. Mom finished the shelves and I got some paint, lattice and stuff from Home Depot to finish the display. I haven't been able to get my studying in, which may prove to be painful when class rolls around Tuesday night. I will keep trying to get it all in. Work is going to be nutty this week, too.

There won't be much blogging over the next couple of days and none from Wednesday through Sunday because I'll be in booth #163 at the TACA fair in Nashville. Mom is the live-in zookeeper while we're away (thanks ma!). Come see me in Centennial Park. This is a big deal for me, so wish me luck. I'm nervous.

Have a great week!

eureka!

Here's my little mad scientist man in process. He's a mixed media doll. His head is clay over cloth and painted with acrylics. His body is cloth. I'll be adding arms, hands that are clay over cloth, a long mad scientist frock/vest, a crooked bow tie, crazy hair made from mohair (goat), embellish his pants with a cuff and add some nerdy shoes. He'll be holding a test tube full of strange-looking stuff. It's been something fun and different to do.

thank you ladies and gentlemen...

Thanks for the feedback on the blog. :-)

It's getting close to the fine craft show in Nashville and with school, work and the show on my mind at the same time I'm going berserk with anxiety. So, to make things easier on me, I have come down with a nasty head cold. Can you believe it? Right at the last push. It's bad enough I'll have to battle through cramps next week to boot. I have given myself the day off for the most part and have been a slug. I am unshowered. I am fevered. I probably stink. I do not care. That's pretty much the synopsis of my life today. Well, that's not completely true...I did work on a clay over cloth figure. It's a mad scientist with quite a set of googly eyes. I'll post a pic later. Hubby's pal from LA is in town, so they're own carousing while I sit here with the plague feeling sorry for myself. Sadie is whining hysterically at me (the dog at the top left) while I type. Either she wants out or she wants my undivided attention. "Wanna go out?" The ears went up, so I guess I'll be back later... *snort* *sniff* *groan* etc.

where'da kitty go mama?

If you kindly little ole' readers don't mind....I would like to know if the kitty in the bottom right corner of the screen is getting gobbled up by the blog block. In one browser I can't get the kitty (which is Atticus) and in another the layout is just fine with the blog entry portion stopping flush with the headline "hatamaran." Ahh, to be a geek. I won't get to check the site until tomorrow night, so hack up a little survey response for me, eh?

hoo boy...

Do you feel like maybe this is not your DECADE? In PR, printing disasters can REALLY ruin your day.
One good thing though is that doggie daddy is taking Pickles to get her stitches out this afternoon. She's as good as new and feisty as ever.

lunch play...

Playing at lunch...when I should be getting out of the building since I have no windows it is a PERFECT day. Dummy. Anyway, I have been noodling with a more personalized layout for the blog. I hope it works on everyone's browsers. Let me know if it looks like poop. I saved the old layout "just in case." I think this one is a little neater. I'm sure I'll change it again in a few months. I'm just barely learning about CSS, so this is my first real experiment with it.

thanks...

Thanks for all the nice bloggie-notes. I made it home with the gas I had--with the light coming on as I pulled into the driveway. Ha! I win again!

clear for landing...

Well, I can't figure out why I feel happy today. I have no money in my account. I barely have enough gas to get back home after work. I'm saving my only 85 cents to get a diet coke out of the machine and eat some crackers out of the snack box for lunch (to which I must write an IOU). Times are uber-rough. My dad offered to help a little so at least we won't have to sleep in the car when we go to Nashville at the end of the month for the craft show.

But, you know, I feel happy today. Nothing is going right at work on top of things--but I feel okay. Between talking at our "process group" in group intervention class last night and knowing that my husband is there for me--well, that's the fuel I need -->Meaningful connections<-- So I guess I do know why I feel so much better today. Barring running out of gas on the way home, today should be a good day. I get paid tomorrow, thank goodness. I guess Karma has to pinch you in the butt every once in a while to make sure you're still paying attention. (Note to Karma-beast: I'm processing it all, I promise.)

bleh.

I am not better today. I couldn't sleep. When I slept, I slept poorly. I got way too upset over things yesterday, but I think I was so stressed out over so many things, that I just got pushed over the edge. I konked out altogether. I had to come in to work late; on a day that was full with deadlines. Whether or not is was counterproductive or not, I just rusted up and came to a halt. No one asked how I was when I got here. I could project a thousand feelings about that: she's a slacker; she's losing it; she's a bad employee; she's having a hard time; she's depressed; she's lazy; she's this; she's that; or even I don't know what to say to her because I don't know what's going on. But multiple choice is as far as I'm going to go today, because I don't have enough energy, and have no desire, to play that self-destructive mindgame with myself.

Today will have to be just a day on the way to tomorrow, which I hope will be somewhat better.

boy, I have been a mess today...

This has been a rotten type of Monday. My husband emails me this morning says his lips were blue when he woke up. What?!! He has tons of heart disease running in his family so I asked him if he had called the doctor and he said yes, but the first appointment is in two weeks.

Me: "Did you tell them what is wrong?"

Him: "No."

Me: "()#$*@)$$)(*#($*@#(#*@^##%()*_*()#%!!!! I'm going to call your doctor back right now and you are going to the doctor."

Him: "Hmmm. Okay"

(Note to men: Please take care of yourselves. It takes years off of our lives.)

So, now I'm a basketcase. I have to practically fight with the answering service to speak to someone who knows his chart. They are so unbelievably rude. I still couldn't get through to a real person and had to leave a message on the nurse line. Finally, they called me back with an appointment for him at 3 p.m. today.

In the meantime, my dad calls and tells me Peanut, his "stray cat that he's just feeding because it doesn't have a home," has been in the animal hospital for two weeks with a severe tumor inside her ear. She had surgery, but she's not expected to last long. Now my dad is a real-life loner, and this silly little cat that probably doesn't mean much to anyone else is his only real daily companion. He has been a lot happier with her around and as stoic as my dad can be I could still hear his heart breaking over the phone.

So, this makes me sad on top of being worried and then I think "when it rains it pours" and this day is going to get progressively worse.

Thankfully, my husband did call me a few minutes ago and said there seemed to be no problem and that his heart sounded fine. The doctor wasn't sure what had caused it unless it was the severe chapped lips he's been suffering from. Apparently they've gotten so chapped they are bruised.

You'd think this was a hormone problem. But it's not. Blue lips usually means there's not enough oxygen in your blood, which means there might be a serious heart problem.

Now I'm relieved/exhausted/sad/psuedo-worried. Actually I was exhausted before this day ever happened.

Whimper.

I am going to lose my mind...

It could not be more of a Monday. Just tie me to a fucking stake and burn me now.

Happy Anniversary!

Today is my seventh wedding anniversary. We are both still alive and talking to one another, so it's going great! The first five years were pure hell. Now, things are getting better and better. I think we're gonna make it. ;-)

creepy things that aren't supposed to be creepy...

I don't know why but I get creeped out by the ice cream van that travels our neighborhood. I just heard it coming down the street, playing its little electronic tune to lure the nearby children, except no one comes. The music pauses and a recorded woman's voice calls out "hello!"; then the music starts again. The van passes by the house and leaves a trail of distorted warbling that sounds like an evil caliope in a Night Gallery episode. Who applies for an ice cream van driver job anyway? Someone who likes kids? Evil clowns who are out of work? Former circus performers who are too claustrophobic to work in the tent anymore? Undercover operatives of the American Dental Association? I don't know, but I just don't like that van. Other than that, I like ice cream.

no apparent brain activity...

Thanks to a variety of highly impaired individuals, The Passionate Ailurophile has gone to a password-protected site. I may receive a password from her or not. I really enjoyed reading her blog, but the morons invaded with their tacky, stinky little loin cloths and ruined the fun. Poor little things must have only one slimy, withered little dendrite with which to work. Speaking of work, I have to return to it.

harlequin testicles...

Rooney, who has suddenly become completely fascinated by the surprising comforts of this cardboard box in the dining room, is showing off his yin and yang. His testicles are perfectly colored in his naturally complementary colors. One is white (oops, Rooney has corrected me--it's "fresh eggshell") and the other is that cute little caramel color. Since he is a Manx and naturally has no tail, I get to see his little multi-colored testicles cha-cha around the house all the time. I think they're just cute as can be.

there's no blood in my fingers...

I type therefore there must be SOME blood in my fingers. Sometimes the office gets so chilly my hands just hurt. I've always been blessed with cold hands and cold feet any time the temperature drops below 80 degrees. I wish I had the nerve to knit up some gloves, but I'm just too lazy to do the fingers. Maybe I'll just knit up some wrist warmers for the winter.

Like I have time.

I come home from work, eat, stare at the wall for a few minutes and dye, sew or felt all night. Over the last week it's been all dyeing, and I've only gotten out to walk once. I also have to squeeze in about 250 pgs. of textbook study and take an online quiz that I have, get this, 3 hours to complete. If it takes 3 hours, it should be an EXAM. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Hubby gets to go to the Fleetwood Mac concert tonight thanks to a free ticket from his boss. So it's work friends night out for him WHILE I WORK MY BUTT OFF. But I am happy for him. It's my own fault. I bit off more than I could chew and now I have to chew until I'm done. Bleh. Tired. I will try to eventually get some pics up of the silks. I was especially pleased with one shibori piece I finished up last night.

I am in a panic over the figures. I really can't expect to turn out more than one or two more before the TACA fair. They take lots of detailed construction, noodling, embellishment, etc. And I don't want to take stuff that is less than what I usually present. There are too many things to do--redo biz cards, make nicer looking tags, finish display shelving, bleh, bleh, BLEH!!!!! Ack. I have to quit talking about it or my brain will totally freeze up.

Oh yeah, and I have a job to do, which reminds me I should get back to work. I have a publication to get out. Ahhhhhh!

goodbye, we will miss you...

A sad goodbye to John Ritter and Johnny Cash.