it's getting fugly...

Today is the 2nd year anniversary of when we found my father after his accident. I've taken off a couple days to lay low, decrease the stimuli and general overload. I didn't expect the second anniversary to be as painful as the first...

A couple more months and I will have hopefully earned my mastirz in soshul werk...thank God...I thought I would never get there.

My internship in veturinarie soshul werk has been very interesting, but the constant death in this teaching hospital has really worn on me. There are multiple euthanasias nearly every day...it can be terribly difficult for the interns and residents just starting their careers. And I have found out that I would not be able to do this type of work full-time. It is constant grief work and not much else. Yes, you get to see animals all the time and that's really cool, but you also get to see a lot of them die, too.

It could be the anniversary or it could be something else, but I know I want to be able to do more than crisis management and grief work. I do, however, want to be connected to the field as a supportive clinician. Compasshun fatigue is a huge problem in the field and vets see death 5 times more than human doctors. Becoming disconnected and numb is a problem for these folks sometimes, as is burnout.

knit your own penis...

Yes, now you can create the penis of your dreams. And balls, too...need to talk to the boss? Just join another skein and get the cajones you never had.

Atticus says hi...

Atticus says I am feeling better...and I have even gained a little weight!

YUKI

Hi from Yuki

Rooney says hello!

Rooney is where he should not be!

What A Pretty Dog!

And I don't take it back.

A couple of weeks ago I came in to work over the weekend and the building alarm went off. Mind you, it's always malfunctioning and such, so quite frankly, I didn't do anything about it. I didn't have a number to call so I just tried to get my stuff done.

Which is stupid, but sometimes I do stupid things.

I wasn't going to be there long, so my husband came with me. He was wondering around the suite, annoyed that I didn't know who to call. I was in my office and then I heard him call my name, "Uh, Teresa?!"

When I stepped out into the main area of the office, there was the K-9 unit and two policemen with their guns drawn.

Puppy looked hungry. Puppy wanted to eat us.

And the first thing out of my mouth was, "What a pretty dog!"

The cop closest to me looked stunned, as did my husband. But, the smallish German Shepherd dog was beautiful, despite the fact it was pulling so hard the K9 officer had to brace himself to pull him back.

"I guess I shouldn't be happy to see a K9 unit," I said to the officer.

He chuckled a little in a dismayed sort of way and shook his head. "No, you don't..."

So, I proved my identity by pointing to my name on the wall, giving him my license and a business card. All with a smile. All while no one else could figure out why I would take a thing in stride.

I did apologize...a lot. And they told us to have a good night.

I got an angry lecture from my husband and I took it because I deserved it this time. I do not take lectures from anyone unless I've really goofed.

I do know the security code now. By memory. Etched in gray matter.

But the truth is that I really wanted to pet the dog.

The Rodent Department

A ratty mascot for our office...degus from South America...

grayson

Atticus-ker-splaticus

My papaw-kitty, 14 year-old Atticus is not well. Over the past six months he's been losing weight and though his bloodwork looked okay at that time, he's gotten skinnier. The pic is of him before he started to lose weight.

So I took him back and he's in renal failure and has a heart murmur...and has liver problems. I didn't expect to hear any of that and left with two meds, special kidney diet food, IV fluids and a bag of needles to do sub-cutaneous fluids daily.

I really hate poking him on a daily basis. I get through it, but I think it traumatizes me more than it does him. He does seems to feel a little better with the fluids, though. I really hate to lose my Atticus-man. He's a really special, kind of spunky/cranky kind of cat that steals your heart. I don't know how much longer I'll have him, but I'll try to enjoy the time we do have.

Ugh.

I'm going to try to post a little more often...it's a crazy time for me. I have four cell phones between my personal, internship and work equipment...every day is a battle against getting confused as to whether I'm coming or going.

It will all work out somehow. Hope all is well for my friends in the blogosphere!

I'll take 'bloated brains' for $200

Me. no. have. brain. cells. no. more.

Splat.

I hit the windshield again.

Headed all directions, but still traveling the direction of the car.

Fast.

Ah, nothing like retard poetry to get the juices flowing. At the end of the semester I always find myself a bit lost. One more semester. You can do it.

I miss getting to knit. I miss writing. I miss computer noodling and learning new nerdy stuff. I miss having more time to felt, spin, dye, paint and create. And yet, I know things will eventually come together because, even though I'm a blob of crusty, smashed bug guts at the moment, I'm sure the car is headed the right direction. Give it some gas.

I hope to share some puppy pictures over Christmas. Pepper turned out to be a pretty big dog! They are both great and get along fabulously with our little old lady Pickles.

Today at the vet school I got to see a barn owl and a Cooper's Hawk in exotics...pretty cool. And a Macaw was squawking so loudly in one of the treatment rooms that I couldn't hear over the telephone. Funny...they are really, really loud when they're getting poked upon!

I am so scatterbrained these days...I'll be glad when I get my old wrinkled ass out of school...I know, all I do is whine anymore.

Posting has been so sporadic here that I doubt anyone still stops by, but I reckon' I talk to myself a lot anyway! ;-)

neither here nor there...

Does that equal nowhere? Dunno.

I have about five paintings up on Ebay right now and one tiny bid. It looks like everyone is getting some used mulch from the neighbor's yard in their stockings this year...that's all I'll be able to afford. ;-)

If you so choose, click on the Ebay link on the right sidebar --> that-a-way.

Leaving my former profession behind cold turkey has been really hard. I entered into a life of no comfort zones and no safety nets. Doing the art show on top of all that nearly sizzled my last few synapses.

My internship at the vet school has highlighted a lot of my personal weaknesses (oh, I mean learning opportunities) related to being assertive. It's a very chaotic atmosphere with constantly changing schedules and you are swimming in a sea of left-brainers. No, I mean REALLY left-brainers.

When I am fairly confident of what I know, I have a much better time being assertive, but being a brand-spanking-new social worker I find it hard to be as assertive as I need to be. I think some of that is a perfectionism problem--and I need to get over that if I am going to stay in this field. The internship is also very isolating in that you are not allowed to make friends per se. Being that everyone is a potentional client (vets, vet students and owners) you have to maintain a professional distance at all times. I don't have a problem with that, not being the social butterfly sort, but it gets isolating and lonely. I have to be careful to not let that feeling perpetuate into other areas.

And the holidays are tugging at my heart. Last year I was distracted from Daddy's absence by major surgery. This year it's just me, the holidays, and one less family member. Grief can come in waves. Right now I'm caught in the undertow.

Last Thanksgiving I put a piece of pumpkin pie on Daddy's grave. I decided to not do that this year. For some reason it's just too painful this time.

My job working with older people is going fine, but slow. The folks I am working with mostly live alone...and many of them will not have family around during the holidays. You can hear the intense loneliness in their voices when they talk to you about it. If you have an older family member, please take time to include them in some way...even if it's just a phone call to tell them you are thinking about them.

Thanks for the support!

Thanks to everyone who supported my work at Artsclamation!
Here's a slideshow of some of the work that was there if you missed it. :0)

VIEW SLIDE SHOW

One of the funnier, smaller pieces is on Ebay right now. Go check it out. I'm being brave and starting it at $10.

too much is not a good thing...

I need to clone myself. My part-time job is quickly spilling over into a more-than-part-time-experience, my internship requires time outside of internship, my classes are very time-consuming, getting ready for the art show is nerve-wracking, even though I'm painting as fast as I can, Pepper has decided to be scary-dog-aggressive to the neighbor's dog (great.), and I am, quite frankly, losing my mind I'm so overwhelmed with work of various kinds.

It's too bad I don't have any time to talk about some of the neat things going on, like seeing up close a pet raccoon, tiger, lion, feather-plucking macaw, eagle, red-tailed hawk, alpaca, llama, miniature donkey, etc., at the vet school. I missed the leopard (she was in to be spayed). There have been plenty of heartbreaking moments there, too.

But I have to get back to work. Gosh, I wish I had a giant-sized beer.

If you knit...

My sweet hubby sent me this off You Tube. Knitters will LOVE it!



I noticed that on my computer, the video doesn't play past about 2:50...so, if that happens to you, click on the You Tube logo in the lower right-hand corner and you'll be taken to the video on the You Tube site.

honestly, this gives some credence to "LOL"...

and this is cute...

your roots are showing...

What could be more fun than sitting around in the dark hoping to not have a tree land on your house? Saturday was a full day of torrential rains and that night I was working on a small painting when I heard it...crack, crack, crack, crack, whoooooooooosh, thud!--then off went the lights. A huge white oak in our neighbor's yard across the street came hurtling down, blocking the road, taking down all the powerlines on our side of the street and eventually landing in the front yard of the house to our right. Hubby is standing next to the roots of the tree in the pic.

About an hour later, we heard the same sounds again, then car alarms going off. Three houses down another larger oak fell, crushing the end of a house and the three cars parked behind the home. The fire department came and axed down the front door to find that, luckily, no one was there. I'm sure they got a big surprise when they returned!

All night...chainsaws and car alarms and flashing work truck lights. It was like trying to sleep under the "Eat at Joe's" sign. The car alarm was still going off at lunch the next day. Unbelievably, the portion of the tree blocking the road was sawed up and hauled off by the next morning, but we didn't have power until the afternoon.

Fun and games. Fun and games.

be glad (read: drink lots of beer as quickly as possible...)

Having homebase all of the place is a bit of a bitch. Twenty-five passwords, six office and file keys, four email accounts, two databases and three cellphones later, I've got a bit of an ache in my brain and a little cross in my eyes.

So many paths have been beaten...to a pulp.

Which brings me to the Almighty Cure.

Beer.

I plan to drink some. Maybe a lot. But not now because I have class/work/intership/etcetera until 12:30 pm Saturday.

Then I shall partake and pass out in an alley somewhere. Anywhere.

No, wait. I have a paper due at the beginning of next week.

Scratch that (the copious amounts of beer, that is).

I shall moderate the desire with moderation.

Tomorrow is my 10th wedding anniversary. And both of us are too tired to do anything more than plan to pick up heartworm medicine and get a deli sandwich. Make mine a beer sandwich, please.

three little mourners...

Up on Ebay until next Monday...

I painted this a few months ago when the first anniversary of my father's passing was coming up. I think I can let it go now. I don't know if anyone wants a little painting with such a sad theme, but, there you go...

Work has been less than stellar; mainly because I am left to fend for myself with absolutely no direction. I'm self-starter, but jeez... Internship, however, has been quite stellar and I'm learning a lot and have very interesting people to work with...well, except for when I was putting up my frozen entree and found a dead bird in a freezer bag. But, I guess that might be expected given the internship is at the vet school.

My brain stays a little on the tired side going to school full-time and working at a job that is, at best, nebulous. I am trying so hard to keep my mouth shut on this subject.

There are paintings all over my studio in various stages of completion. I think I'm progressing okay in volume, but there are a few pieces I'm not so happy with. What else is new?

I got to meet a Great Dane the other day that weighed more than 160 lbs. He was a beauty...and gentle as a mouse.

I was going to post on Sept. 11, but realized everything I had to say sounded trite or fatalistic, so I just remained thoughtful of the day.

meet little Emily...

Here's
Little Emily, a small 4 x 4 in. painting on Ebay. It will be up for seven days. Meow.

hey mate, the world is a little dingier without ya...

What are the chances that you'd get a stingray bard straight into the heart after wrestling hundreds of deadly gators without losing so much as a finger? He seemed to have a truly kind soul...I, and the world, will miss his endless joie de vivre.