oh deer...

The times I despise most in my life are those times when I balk and get the dreaded deer-in-the-headlights syndrome.

I am a deer.

Maybe I am a tick on a deer.

I need to clean out 17 years of files before I leave this job. What do I do with them? I am such a bad filer, I should probably just throw them all away. It's all on my computer anyway. I am replete with junk as old as 1989, along with about 10 years of photos that need to be sorted.

This transition is causing me far more heartache than I expected. I nearly cried when I said goodbye to the graphic artist who does the newsletter I work on. He's a little man who works for a local printer part-time in semi-retirement and teaches calligraphy on the side. He probably doesn't weigh more than 110 pounds and lost his wife a couple of years ago. I didn't realize how much I would miss his old bony butt. I am going take him a dozen doughnuts one last time in a vain attempt to fatten him up. ;-)

The department I'm going to work in part-time while finishing out my last year of school is pretty volatile in terms of relationships. I will be going from a department that was too toned-down and uptight (but had 0% backstabbing) to one that might be way too high-strung, passive-aggressive and full of conflict. They are having a retreat partly to work out their personal differences. THAT scares me.

And it should.

I feel totally neurotic and am worried about everything. I'm not too good at worrying about the unknown. The anticipatory angst is driving me nuts.

That's the problem with working with one department or having one job for too long. You get worried you can't do anything else, or that leaving the safe place you're in is going to be a huge mistake.

In 10 working days we're going to find out.

Hopefully I won't implode from all the self-imposed pressure.