Friday, December 03, 2004

emerging from the muckety-muck...

Dear Darling Readers,
My life has changed in a blink of an eye. A miracle has been performed. A door has been opened. I think I even see a red carpet rolled out for me. Forty is around the corner and I'm looking forward to it. Droopy boobs be damned.

There's been much ado about my health over the last three years including several surgeries, medications and treatments. From uterine fibroids to endometriosis to gallbladder removal to tachycardia and high blood pressure. Oh, and I can't leave out the misdiagosis of Hepatitis B...that's another story.

Whether from having life-long problems with depression or the life-long problem of the tachycardia, I have always and forever been battling serious fatigue. I have never had enough energy to get through the day--ever. I do things anyway, but it is a constant battle. Then, about a 1 1/2 weeks ago a corrective measure was made in some medication and I, for the first time IN MY LIFE, do not feel like I'm dragging corpse around.

I FEEL NORMAL AND AWAKE (whatever that might be).

I don't have to say "no" to social events anymore because I just don't have the energy.

My heart doesn't sink when I see a mess in the house. Gosh-darn-it, I just walk over there and take care of it.

I am not afraid of committing to projects I have been wanting to do.

I feel like talking to people more.

I feel like seeing my friends.

I don't crash when I get home from work.

I dust when it's not "cleaning day."

I don't have to take naps throughout the weekend just to feel rested.

I don't feel left out because I don't have enough energy to enjoy myself.

The past week has been a mixture of shouting from the rooftops and crying in the depths of hell as I've made these adjustments and dealt with a myriad of personal challenges at home. Being suddenly COMPLETELY different was a tremendous shock. I was fearful that it was too good to be true. And I was also extremely upset that I was seeing my life clearly for the first time. The tremendous weight was removed and I saw many important changes that needed to be made ASAP.

I will turn 40 next month and it's not going to be about sagging ass cheeks, droopy boobs, a flabby waist or developing pig-like jowls. Wah-fucking-wah.

It's going to be about freedom from chronic fatigue--for the first time in my life.



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