Monday, May 16, 2005

ants in my pants...

I've been a nervous wreck all day today...leg jitters, can't sit still, hating my job a whole lot worse than normal, no ability to concentrate, no motivation...

I've hated my job for some time now and I'm thinking about applying for some other position within the company, but I haven't decided. You have to be very careful about making big changes during times of grief because many, including me, have an overwhelming urge to escape wherever they currently are. It's almost at a panic level for me. Before Daddy was killed, I could force my way through my assignments and do a pretty good job, but right now work feels like a good solid 8 hours of choking down broken glass. I really, really hate it. Or maybe I really, really hate the bone-crushing emotions I'm carrying around. Or maybe it's both. One thing is for's not "neither."

Fuck. I'll try to be funny next time. Maybe. If I feel like it.


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