Friday, December 02, 2005

the dullness is blinding...

I. am. so. dull. I will be very happy to say good-bye to 2005. It ground me up and turned me into a slobbery pate. In the last year I came very close to bankruptcy, lost a beautiful pet, turned 40, lost my dad, struggled through executorshit--oh, I mean executorship--went through serious illness with two more pets (who, thankfully, are still hanging on) added 224 internship hours to my full-time job over the course of three months, found out a dear loved one has heart problems...and I'm going to end the year with a bang--major surgery.

So I've become dull with fatigue. But I found out I was stronger than I thought I was. I found out that grief, in all its agony, can leave small gifts behind to help you grow. I found out that art is my steadfast friend. I found out that my superficial list of goals didn't mean as much as just trying to be a good person.

So the blog has suffered. There aren't a lot of jokes or silly life observations. I don't have time to take funny pictures of the cats and dogs and complain about things that don't really matter.

My poor little sitemeter doesn't have any reason to meter because it's not shiny and silly here anymore. But that's not what the blog is about. I don't know what the blog is about. It's just part of this constellation of moments that have some connection to me. I've thought about closing it altogether, but for some reason I haven't. I'm just another patched up soul trying to gather my thoughts and continue the journey.


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