Tuesday, June 01, 2004

could someone remove that piano from my shoulder?

I know I'm always whining about various things, but really life is good...it's just that I have some heavy decisions to make...like the one I'm afraid to even type out here...

...like I'm thinking about quitting school and working more with my dolls and felt. Throw away hundreds of hours of study? Ruin my chances of being a social worker/therapist? Give up my "noble" quest to lift up someone in the same way someone else uplifted me?

Dolls and felt may sound silly to someone else, but the draw of this art-making is unmistakable. And I have hundreds of ideas that are going undeveloped because there is no time to develop them.

When I was a kid I knew I wanted to write. I decided that in the fourth grade when, in thanks for a baby shower gift, my teacher gave me a note that said she "wanted to read one of my books one day." I STILL have that note. Have I written a book? No, not yet, but I love words and I always will. I'm not a great writer, but there's a place for words in my life and I hope I will always grow as a determined wordsmith.

The other things I have always loved--art and music. From day one. No question--it came with the original hardware. Finding a little niche that I'm fairly good at is absolutely intoxicating and it keeps tugging at me like a spoiled child with a sucker stuck in her hair. "Pay attention to ME! ME! ME!"

So, be something new? Or be what you were meant to be from the beginning?

I am on the cusp, the verge, of doing something really, a) crazy, or b) right.

Ugh, where's my Magic 8 Ball?


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