clone, please...

I need a clone to get this all done. I did have a good time at SAFF. The little guy to the left was one of the alpacas present at the show. I got some wonderful bunnywool/silk/sheepswool roving to play with, some hand-dyed yarn and some unique roving for accents in my felting. I didn't get into the nuno felting class (again!!!), but I did get to take the silk fusion class and it was pretty fun. We made little origami bags--that info alone was worth the fee. Anyway, my mother embarassed me countless times as she is prone to do, but we still had a great time together.

I do need a clone. I had planned to study for an exam on Sunday night after I got back from Asheville, but on the way back the entire mountain was down to one lane. It took more than three extra hours to get back! There went my evening of study. I had to take a day of vacation yesterday to study...that's all I did until nearly 10 p.m. last night. My brain is literally mush. I don't know how I am going to pull off a research paper and two shows in the next two weeks. I might be dead when it's all over. Once that big push is over, I'm taking it easy for a while. Next semester I am only going to take one class so I'll have a little time to breathe. This is unadulterated misery.

off to SAFF...

I'm off to SAFF right after work today...yippee!! I'll pick up my mom and I'll drag her off for a weekend of wooly fun. I can't wait to sink my fingers into all that good stuff!

Here's the hat I was going to post yesterday:

It has a slightly thin spot that made me unhappy. You'd have to hold it up to bright light to see it, but I wouldn't want to sell it although it would probably never be noticed by someone. Besides, I need a hat to wear, too!

No blogging again until Sunday night or Monday.

uh...

That's how I feel today. Uh...

I had nightmares about WWIII. The United States was under attack and missles where whizzing through our cities. People were disappearing. I couldn't find one of our co-workers and we had assumed her dead. Tidal waves were gushing through the streets. We came under attack and and huge military truck trailering a big bomb drove up. I scooped up a lost little service dog off the street, hopped in a stranger's Jeep with him and we zipped out of the danger zone behind a big ridge that gave us some protection from the explosion. That was just one little part of the dream...what a restful night of sleep. The dog was precious though...it looked like a border collie mix with a petite face, big sweet eyes and a liver-colored nose.

I did another hat last night, but I was a little disappointed that I had one little slightly thin spot in the top, so I guess I just got a hat added to my personal collection! I've been complaining how I am making hats for everyone but me, so I guess I subconsciously solved that problem! I meant to dump the digital so I could upload the pic, but oh well, I forgot. I think I'm going to add some beads and wear it this weekend to SAFF, which I am totally excited about. I just wish I wasn't so tired. I can't figure out if I'm tired because I'm doing too much or if I'm tired because something is wrong.

Since I don't have kids I think that anytime I am tired there's something wrong with me. I always compare myself to someone who is working, going to school and doing art (or other things) AND they have kids. Well, let me tell you, I would DIE if I added kids into the picture. Of course, then I think, I do more of the other things during the time I would be getting worked over by my kids, so? I don't know. I just wish I had more energy.

In any case, I will be cavorting with angora goats and rabbits, llamas, alpacas, sheep, fellow spinners, felters and other assorted fiber wackos all weekend and I'm excited!! I'll have plenty of photos when I return!

what?! you're not perfect???!!!!

Neither are they.


"Here are a couple of links that show you just what they do to models' photos before they get into the magazines. Here, here, and just so the men don't feel left out, here. Roll over the images with your mouse to see the "before retouching" picture. The full set is on the left side of each page. No one is immune from retouched imaging. We are convinced this is "normal" because we see it everywhere we go. And it doesn't matter that we are told not to compare ourselves to these fake photos, we are shown the fake photos. I don't know for sure, but I bet visual images imprint faster and deeper in most people than verbal images."*

*Shamelessly stolen from Twilight Cafe.

I actually have nearly quit reading women's magazines because they make me feel so bad about myself. Instead, I read magazines about art and craft and about real life. Ok, I can't pass up a People magazine, but those "lose that last 10 pounds!" and all those magazines about how I am a walking fashion faux pas are going into the garbage. Life gives you enough shit as it is--I don't need an army of strangers telling me that I SUCK. There's actually a study that shows fashion mags lowers women's self-esteem...I'll see if I can dig it up and post some stuff from it.

In other news...I'm tired and cranky, but not as tired and cranky as yesterday. So, hey, there's improvement going on.

ok, so I lied...

It got too late last night to post the pics of the new hats . I'm pretty much a walking zombie today and my hands feel like swollen hot dogs (but they're happy hot dogs)...

photos tonight...

I will post some photos of the new hats tonight. Until then dear bloggie brothers and sisters...

sleeeeeppppppyyyyyyyy...

Tired and sleepy today. I had to get up earlier than usual to be at a studio for some taping for work. At least it was something different to do.

My weekend was pretty darn productive and yielded three new hats and two sore arms (not done with finishing touches, but ready for the finishing touches). I tried to do the commission hat, but it turned out a little different than I had hoped. It's still a great hat, but I'll have to give it another whirl to repeat the one she wanted. I'll get to that tonight.

The reason it turned out different is because it's all Gotland wool and not Merino/Gottland. It finished up too short to make the contrasting color brim roll. The swirl turned out awesome though. I can't reach the Merino chick I want to buy from. Frustrating! Her Merino is the best, although most Merino batting will do. It's hard to find the exact color I want from another supplier in a pinch.

Well, I'm too tired to be blogging...more later.

little Peanut...

For those of you who are interested in knowing how Peanut is doing, you'll be happy to know she is still around. Her brain tumor will probably return, but for now, she seems to have adjusted to reduced capacities and is eating and drinking just fine. Removal of the tumor caused lots of balance problems for little Peanut, so she doesn't do much other than walk around with my dad on his property, sleep and eat. Before she got sick and had surgery, she was a fearsome little hunter and very independent, so it's been hard for her to adjust emotionally, but I think my dad is able to stick by her and help her feel safe. She won't go into the woods without him--smart cat. She wouldn't be able to defend herself on her own. My dad has seen bear, coyote and everything else you can imagine on his property. So, Peanut is hanging in there.

My appointment yesterday was just about like what I expected. My appointment time was 3:45 and the doctor walked in at 4:50. I signed in and started my wait at 3:35. I decided to take my little sketchbook, which made the wait tolerable. They had changed out the fingertip sticker-thingies and you can hardly feel them now. (Yesss!) The only surprise is that I have a lot of blood in my urine and have to go see a specialist (it's always something). And, thankfully, I didn't get surprise biopsies. (Yay!)

As far as the show goes, I got a really nice email apologizing about the previous email that was sent to me. Apparently so-and-so didn't let so-and-so know about the situation and...well, they asked me to reconsider very nicely and tried to help me out. It was SUCH a nice email that I am going to reinstate myself...which means it's back to the slavery schedule. Thank goodness the wool has already come in because I am going to be really busy over the next three weeks.

Gotta get busy on the publication...hope everyone has a great Friday!

it's the most wonderful time of the year...

As I pork up on some lunch I realize today is the best day of the year. This afternoon I get my annual check-up. Here's what I have to look forward to:

Waiting at least 30 minutes in the waiting room.

Reading 3,000 baby magazines that tell me my eggs are no good at my age and that I suck because I'm childless.

Being addressed as if I were a criminal/alien-with-a-booger-dangling by the front desk staff.

Attempting to pee into a little cup without getting it all over the place.

Washing my hands twice, maybe three times afterward.

Finding out just how freakin' fat I have gotten and having it recorded in INK.

Getting my blood pressure taken and having to ask what it is EVERY TIME. After all, it is MY blood pressure. I don't know why they think I'm not interested.

Being asked when my last period was which I have NEVER been able to answer without going through their stupid little calendar glued to the desktop.

Getting stabbed by that wonderfully thick fingertip needle that sinks directly into the bone of my finger. I actually hope they take it from my arm--at least that's interesting to watch and somehow I don't think it hurts half as bad.

Waiting another 40 minutes in the exam room with a giant paper towel wrapped around me. (But I am smart enough to bring my pocket PC and read e-books instead of the awful baby, parenting and Oprah magazines. No offense, Oprah.)

Being opened up with a giant can-opener by my gyn while a total stranger/nurse stares at my butt.

Laying there wondering what the stranger/nurse is thinking about while she stares at my butt.

Laying there wondering if I have bad breath or stinky feet and wishing I had brought socks but gladly realizing that my toenails are nicely painted.

Having the most sensitive tissue in my body excavated with a brush that feels like a giant steel wire mascara wand/engine-part cleaner.

Laying there with my fingers crossed hoping I don't have to get a "surprise" colposcopy (biopsies), which is quite like medieval torture without any painkillers. (I've hated my previously well-loved gyn ever since she did the first one. It's all I can do not to kick her in the head these days.)

Being reprimanded for not doing my BSEs on a timely basis.

Being reminded that I am due for a mammogram.

Being asked if I am going to have kids and told I have no time left if I'm going to.

Being told I'll probably have to have a hysterectomy sometime soon if the uterine fibroids return quickly. (I had several removed in November, one of which was the size of a grapefruit and another the size of an apple.)

Having my guts squished from South to North and East to West.

Getting a lovely stack of sample pills held together by a rubber band. (Glad I have my bigger purse with me.)

Receiving my new prescription which I am very likely to lose by the time I finish my sample packs.

Paying my co-pay and being treated like a criminal/alien-with-a-booger-dangling by the check-out staff.

Walking to my car feeling a little more pissed off than usual.

yummy...

My Norwegian wool batts came in yesterday. I opened the box and squished my face into them--six pounds and six colors of the most delicious wool in the world. Now I can finish the hat commissioned from me in Nashville. Just thinking about them makes me want to go home and start felting. I like to make hats that have Merino on the inside (for next-to-the-head softness) and Gotland/Pelssau on the outside because it holds its shape and has great texture. Thanks to Jean Hicks for that better-than-gold info! I used the last of my Nashville show earnings on the wool, but it will last me a long time.

On a less-than-positive note, I think I'm going to cancel out of the November show with a guild I'm in. The membership director gave me a break initially and said that I could pay the rather steep space fee of $300 after the show because we going through such a terrible financial crisis. I thought that was wonderfully generous. Well, a couple of days ago I get this slightly snippy email from another guild officer about how the membership director shouldn't have done that and I will have to pay up front at the beginning of the show. It also reminded me of the "real" deadline on the contract which was in October.

Well, I'm not retarded. I read the contract.

I actually could pay the day of the show, but now that there's been so much attention placed on HOW I DID IT WRONG and my PATHETIC FINANCIAL SITUATION, I think I would feel like a despised step-child coming in and sneaking a check over the table after everyone else has paid. The membership director was just trying help me. I feel like they should have honored the agreement and reprimanded him, not embarass me...even if they said that this was a one-time situation and that it can never happen again for anyone. So, I wrote back and said that I was really uncomfortable with all the attention placed on me as a new member and as someone with a less than great financial situation. Basically, I was visualizing how I would feel handing over that check at the show and it I didn't think it was nice way to start out showing with the guild. I said "no thanks" this time and that I would look foward to future shows.

Maybe I'm just sensitive.

Or stubborn.

Or I'm getting better at showing myself some respect.

bleh...

It's the end of the day. It's the end of the day. It's the end of the day.

Or something like that.

Must muster energy. Have no energy now. I've always been kind of a low-energy person which has always been a major irritation to me. Even when I am in great shape with no depression or other medical/psychological concerns I'm still tired most of the time. I do lots of things and get a lot done, but I just feel like I'm always dragging a big fat carcass behind me (that would be me, again). I have little fits of energy, but I rarely get what I would call "hyper." I'm always that damn turtle and sometimes I would like to the be impulsive nutty-and-out-of-control hare, you know? Mind energy is another matter though. I probably have 15 new ideas for figures a week and I have hundreds of doodles and drawings of those ideas scattered EVERYWHERE...my mind is very impatient and easily distracted if even slightly bored. Maybe I am a modern day Frankenstein--I've got the mind of someone with ADHD and the body of a phlegmatic 80 year-old.

Wow, now that's appealing. Thank God I'm already married.

now that I know...

about Shannon McNally I think that maybe I'll love her forever...

get thee to a therapist...

You know I can't even REPEAT my google searches here they are so bad. It's amazing my for-the-most-part-pretty-clean site comes up with some simple switch-a-roos in wording. Some of you are just plain SICK 'N' NASTY.

On that note, I have to share some good email I got today. Guys, it's just a joke.


Education for Men

For those of you who are married, were married, or are contemplating marriage - under the assumption that men need (or ought) to be trained for marriage. Southwest Tech is offering a new 2 year associates degree...

TWO YEAR DEGREE: Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six mini-semesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn an associates degree in MA (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.


FIRST YEAR

Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 2AM
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C What Was Yours is Hers


SECOND YEAR

Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Elective (See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (!Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2

Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her

mean people with scissors...

I have to rant further about the fabric store Nazis. I have the same kind of experience at MOST fabric stores I frequent. I don't know if there's a such a dearth of social skills that these people merely appear rude or if they are such seamstress snobs that they can't stand to deal with the riff-raff.

During the same trip to said fabric store I posted about yesterday, I also enjoyed having my fabric cut for me. I use upholstery fabric for parts of my fabric figures because it's sturdier and I like the way it looks, so I picked about about four or five fabrics from the remnants heap and took them to the cutting table. I stood there and waited for someone and one of the employees, who has cut my fabric before, came to help me. I told her I'd like 1/2 yard of each fabric.

She says, "What in the world are you going to do with 1/2 yard pieces?"

"I make dolls."

Silence.

I looked at her and she continued with what she was doing. No "oh" or "hmm" or "really?" or anything. I just stood there feeling awkward and she stood there being awkward. It was awkward. I am terrible at small talk myself, but I usually recognize that someone has said something to me. I usually TRY. It wasn't a really big deal, but 90 percent of the interactions at most fabric stores are like that. It's like they're drugged sullen automatons. Does excessive sewing cause retardation of social skills? Did they have to sew their own clothes as kids? I don't know what it is, but it's annoying. Maybe I just expect too much from people.

On another note. I am exhausted. I left work a little early yesterday to finish my readings for my online test which I finished about 9 p.m. last night. It seems like I've been doing nothing but staring at computer screens and burying my nose in books. The classes I'm taking right now have tremendous reading requirements. I'm going to have to dig out my reading glasses because I can hardly focus my eyes. And to make things really fun, I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. Bleh on that. Thankfully I only have to go to one class tonight and will be home by 7 p.m. instead of 10 p.m. Tonight is scheduled ME time.

get thee back snorters of ill-will...

I went to a fabric store this weekend to get some styrofoam for one of my felting projects (and accidentally rifled through the upholstery remanants) and I wrote a check for my stuff at the check-out counter. The lady slowly rang me up and took my check and asked for a driver's license. Ok. Then she noticed that the area code on my checks was old. Now, East Tennessee has changed its area code about 3,000 times in the past few years, so I was using up the old checks I had. She says "You've got an old area code on your checks." And I said, "Yeah, I know, I'm using up the rest of my checks before I start my new box."

And she snorts at me and puts my check into the register.

Snorts.

Now she could have snorted because my checks are funny (Popyeye checks) or she could have snorted because she was a totally anal-retentive bitch, or because she thought I was an idiot for not marking out the old area code and putting in the new one.

In any case, I don't think you should SNORT at anyone unless you plan to explain yourself. I wanted to take my bag of material, build some velocity with it by swinging it above my head and give her a good hearty thwack.

Even in my worst mood, I have never snorted at a stranger or have been openly rude to someone who didn't do a lot to provoke me...especially in the workplace.

On another note, I got a lot of work done over the weekend, both studying and felting. I look forward to the day when I actually have a real weekend devoid of work and study. Sometimes I don't feel like I have anything to look forward to. But, I have to say that the scheduling idea is helping me tremendously...I am moving and getting things done. And, I am scheduling guilt-free self time which makes a big difference.

aie...

I have never seen the Vols play that bad... sometimes it's like being in a stormy codependent relationship. Quick, call a therapist.

testing, testing, 1, 2 and in theory, 3...

I've taken short tests, long tests, official tests...they all come up the same. I'm either uniquely wonderful, or a bizarre freak that belongs in a jar full of formaldehyde...only time will tell.

INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Calm and pleasant face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 1% of the total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

Thanks to Laura for the link.

And two big fat snaps in a circle for completing my scheduled study time tonight. Get it ahooon!

ok, breathe...

I'm better today and more positive. To battle the gridlock I am going to schedule blocks of time for different activities (study time, art time, hubby time, self time). That way I can allow myself to think about only one type of activity at a time (thanks Kat and M2). So, my evenings are going to be very scheduled for about three or four weeks to get over the hump. The first week of November is the big crunch date with a big research paper and two art/craft shows (one small, one big) all due. After that, I can take the level down to hysteria. Right now I think I am emoting radiation. (Later that night...editorial smirk/update: What the hell? I think I meant "emitting"...either that or I just made a brilliant play on words...)

So, I think I DID get out of the road. And that's a good thing. Now all I have to do is find my way through the woods.

look! da fog, da fog!

I am in a fog. I do NOT like fog. Quite simply, I'm overwhelmed. When I pick up a magazine, I have to put it back down because I know I should be picking up a textbook instead. When I pick up a textbook I think about how many pieces I need to make for the November art fair. When I work on creative projects I feel like I should have studied before spending time on art projects. When I try to knit and relax I think about how I should be felting instead of knitting so I put it back down. When I am at work, I think about how much studying I have to do and how many pieces I need to get done for the November art fair. When I'm on the toilet I think about how I've been avoiding my laundry and how I need to clean the house. When I'm in bed, I'm thinking about how much stuff I have to do at work, school and for the fair so I can't go to sleep. When I watch television I feel so guilty I pull the covers over my head. When I'm in the shower I think about how fat I've gotten because I can't get out the door to exercise because I have too much studying and fair pieces to complete at home. When I get up in the morning, I think about how behind I am at work and I hope I'll drown in the shower. And while all of that is going on I'm worried to death about money.

Well, ok, I don't really hope to drown in the shower, but that's how my life has been. I'm the quintessential deer in the headlights--except I think I've been run over a few times. I don't know how I keep getting back up. I do know that it would be good to GET OUT OF THE ROAD. And that's what I'm going to think about now.

new medications for women only...

D A M N I T O L----Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T----Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N----Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O----Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

D U M B E R O L----When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country western music.

F L I P I T O R----Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N----Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person... can we get naked now?"

B U Y A G R A----Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL----When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

J A C K A S S P I R I N----Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A N T I - T A L K S I D E N T----A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

S E X C E D R I N----More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome.

N A G A M E N T----When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

All of these new medications are available in trial-size and super-economy 5 gallon buckets. Thanks to my friend, Susan, for sharing.