Friday, November 04, 2005

well, I don't want to write about it...

This is probably one of the longest hiatuses (sp?) I've had in a while. I just am so emotionally spent trying to close up Daddy's estate, clean out his house, working to learn a new profession, trying to keep the old one going, etc., etc... I just got to the point where that was all I had to say. I'm really really tired--mentally and emotionally. I make bizarre mistakes because I can't think straight. I go to work and try not to cry sometimes.

It's been a very complicated road working through the grief and all the issues that have come up in settling the estate business. I took the day off today because I really felt like I needed to take care of myself today. I felt guilty for doing it, but I just had to get away from everyone and everything for a day-well except for writing a short paper for school this morning...

When I actually stop, I don't know if I feel worse or better because I have time to feel...and that doesn't always bring a smile to my face these days. Grief is a long process and I guess I didn't want to keep saying the same thing over and over. For people around's over. For you, you're trying to figure out how to make sense of things and move on somehow. It's just hard; especially since Daddy and I were finally starting to get close. It was a cruel twist for me. I waited all my life to get close and then I got to say goodbye to him in a black body bag in the middle of the night. Not fair. Not fair.

So, anyway, I am having a hysterectomy next month. No shit. I'll be out for 4-6 weeks, which may be the only way I can take a "vacation." Ha. Ha. I'm sure I'll have a blast. My fibroids are back with a vengeance and I've tried every medieval torture procedure the gyn has-and they have a lot. Time to say goodbye to the Lumpy Pear of Doom. As far as I'm concerned, good riddance.

So that is what's been going on.

In a nutshell.


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