Friday, January 28, 2005

who peed in my pool (and watched it go down)?

Life has been very serious lately, which is quite irritating. It triples the final zit headcount, not to mention encouraging obsessive-compulsive behavior such as chewing off my cuticles like a ravenous opposum until I'm using a box of Band-A1ds every week. Hell, who am I kidding? I don't buy "Band-A1d brand bandages," I buy corner drugstore "used-only-twice" bandages. "Laden with toxic substances and an extra layer of latex for allergy-sufferers." What's wrong with recyling? Ok fine. The truth is I just wrap bathroom tissue around them and hope they stop bleeding before I'm put in the lock-down ward.

Well enough about me and my curmudgeon-ness. Yuki, our newest feline, also now known as "Yuki-padookie," is completely obsessed with the inner workings of our toilet. Apparently treasures previously unknown to kittydom exist just past the disappearing of the dookie. Yuki does not understand when things disappear they do not implode, self-destruct or cease to exist. They just go somewhere else and stink just as bad as before.

Yuki also likes to watch my husband's pee stream hit the water. Yesterday he had to stop peeing and close the lid to keep from dousing Yuki's head. "The hole! The hole!" Yuki says, "I must know what is beyond the hole!"

Life is not nearly as interesting when I do my elimination dance and he only gets excited when I am up and ready to flush. You can almost see him tingle with anticipation. "Meee-ooooowwwww! What a show! Where does yonder water go I must ask? What's that brown boat doing in there? Watch it go around, around, AROUND! How can this be?!"

Well, that's enough of that nonsense. I have a terrible cold and I don't feel like doing shit...not even on the toilet to entertain Yuki-padookie.


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