Tuesday, September 16, 2003


I am not better today. I couldn't sleep. When I slept, I slept poorly. I got way too upset over things yesterday, but I think I was so stressed out over so many things, that I just got pushed over the edge. I konked out altogether. I had to come in to work late; on a day that was full with deadlines. Whether or not is was counterproductive or not, I just rusted up and came to a halt. No one asked how I was when I got here. I could project a thousand feelings about that: she's a slacker; she's losing it; she's a bad employee; she's having a hard time; she's depressed; she's lazy; she's this; she's that; or even I don't know what to say to her because I don't know what's going on. But multiple choice is as far as I'm going to go today, because I don't have enough energy, and have no desire, to play that self-destructive mindgame with myself.

Today will have to be just a day on the way to tomorrow, which I hope will be somewhat better.


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