Friday, July 25, 2003

raccoon vittles

This has really been bothering me. Dead raccoons. I love raccoons. They are smart and, if they could talk, I am positive they would be incredibly witty. The problem is this...I've seen about 50 of them as hillbilly cuisine on the side of the road. The entire summer. It absolutely breaks my heart.

Since we moved our offices, I have a shortcut that gives me a wonderful scenic drive--except for the plethora of dead animals. This is so traumatic. I slow down for butterflies, OK? I will cause a 90-car pile up for a stinky, brainless opossum and I shake my fist at God all day when I see a dead puppy on the side of the road. *deep breath* Ok.

Anyway, I don't ever remember seeing raccoons on the side of the road--ever. I've searched for statistics on overpopulation of raccoons and everything and I can't figure it out. Maybe they are committing suicide in protest to the stupidity of the human race. (That would actually be an understandable reason.)

And why is it that no one can seem to stop? There are no skidmarks around any of these lovely creatures (they're about as big as a beagle). I don't know. It's all very disconcerting. I can only think that, being noctural animals, they are blasted with so much light that they are momentarily blinded and can't see to escape the evil wheels bearing down on them. (This is also my theory on opossums...just in case you were dying to know.)

So, I think there's a lot of bad raccoon karma floating around in East Tennessee. There's a bill to be paid and it ain't gonna be pretty.


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