Thursday, October 09, 2003

new medications for women only...

  • D A M N I T O L----Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
  • ST. M O M M A'S W O R T----Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
  • E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N----Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
  • P E P T O B I M B O----Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
  • D U M B E R O L----When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country western music.
  • F L I P I T O R----Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
  • M E N I C I L L I N----Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person... can we get naked now?"
  • B U Y A G R A----Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
  • Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL----When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
  • J A C K A S S P I R I N----Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
  • A N T I - T A L K S I D E N T----A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
  • S E X C E D R I N----More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache" syndrome.
  • N A G A M E N T----When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

    All of these new medications are available in trial-size and super-economy 5 gallon buckets. Thanks to my friend, Susan, for sharing.


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