Friday, December 19, 2003

deactivate cloaking device...

I am usually really excited when Christmas comes. I love the lights, the food, the fun, the gifts, the ringing of the Salvation Army bells... this year just seems more depressing, stressed and unhappy. Being suddenly broke beyond belief will do that to you. And I have unresolved issues with a loved one that is causing me great misery. In fact, it is probably more the reason for my feelings of general misanthropy. I don't like being angry and sad. I've been that way too much in my life already.

So, I guess I have to do something about the problem--direct my anger toward the appropriate target instead of swallowing it and having a constant tension headache or spewing at the general public. Sigh. I want things to be better now. I'm tired of keeping my chin up, playing like everything's great. I could whine out a War and Peace, but I'm not going to.

I know when I don't feel like felting, knitting or spinning, drawing, sewing, or eating, the juices are really out of balance...and today the juices are sour.

Maybe I'll actually take a picture of the mountain of yarn I have spun over the last month or so. Sadie is keeping me company right now--maybe she can talk some sense into me with those forlorn big beagle eyes of hers.


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