I do not...

I do not like feeling lost. I do not like being indecisive. I do not want to write out my exam for Wednesday's class. I do not feel like cleaning the house. I do not feel like being at work. I do not feel creative. I do not feel like exercising. I do not feel like knitting. I do not feel like doing anything...

I'm used to reaching an impasse with myself every once in a while, but not every other week. Usually I break through the dry spell with a better understanding of myself and who I am becoming. Usually. Instead, it seems my soul has given way to vascillating between this and that--and maybe one of those. All that gray, hazy drama was supposed to end in 2003. I guess calendars don't care how you feel. I know I put way too much pressure on myself to be settled on things and moving through a plan, but, but, but...

Sometimes I wonder, wander, wonder, wander, wondering, wandering. Maybe I need a damn vacation. The only vacations I have had in about three years is some art workshops. I haven't stuck my toes in sand, drank irresponsibly and gotten a good sunburn in years. I wonder if...